It’s not easy. Seriously, do not be fooled.

I wrote an article recently (which you can read here) in a column titled 24 Hours Mom for Talk magazine. Each month various mothers (working, single, stay-at-home) contribute and write about their day. I was asked to write about my day raising a child on the spectrum and all that that entails. It was easy to write because there are so many activities that P takes part in (Dog Therapy, OT, Daily Living Skills, etc.) and if there was just one ‘criticism’ which I received it was that I made everything sound so simple and easy. It was a very positive article because I write how despite always being on the go, whether at home or at work, I have help from my in-laws so I never feel overwhelmed. The thing is, it’s not easy.

P is on Christmas break from school and his OT sessions. Which means two weeks of no activities whatsoever. Which means that my in-laws have him at home for 10-12 hours per day. Which means that my mother-in-law blew her fuse yesterday and all but broke down in tears as I went to pick him up. He’s too hyper. He’s too aggressive. He peed on himself. He broke the lamp. She went on and on. I felt so bad for her, for him, for all of us. Because although I love him and I know that his outbursts usually mean that he’s bored, or hungry or not getting something which he needs, like fresh air or a change of scenery, I feel bad for ‘dumping’ him on her while I’m at work, in my comfy chair going on my lunch break, etc. My work stresses are nothing compared to the stress of keeping a sensory-driven kid from eating soap or from keeping his hands out of places they shouldn’t be.  Her job is so much harder. This past month alone he’s put so much stuff in his mouth, something he hadn’t done since our initial phase of ASD. He even licked the countertops in the kitchen. He’s been whaling a lot too and giving little ‘love taps’ on Maria’s head which I know for a fact hurt because he does it to me too. Despite this, he has improved in areas such as concentration. According to his teachers at his school, he’s much more concentrated in the tasks he’s given. I pray to God that this is due, in part, to the homeopathy medicine we’ve started a month now. We visited a neurologist/homeopathy doctor a month ago who prescribed homeopathy medicine for him. We’re due to see him again next week and maybe we’ll be given something else or maybe we’ll wait out to see if anything else improves except his concentration or if he needs a change of meds. I will definitely bring up the various sensory/behavioral issues that have been going on.

So there you have it. It is not easy. I may, by nature, be positive and seem upbeat and cheery but it does not take away from the fact that I am scared to DEATH of what autism has in store for us.